Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
