So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sarcasm needs its own font
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
