What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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