You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
