I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
