Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
