My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
