i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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