Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
