We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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