My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
