I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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