the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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