I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
