dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
