I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
