SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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