Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
