my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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