i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love having hate sex.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
