dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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