I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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