Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
