Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
im on a boat
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