R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
