Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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