the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
