We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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