After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
