omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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