i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
