These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
