never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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