The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
