That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
