I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
