I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
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