I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
