I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
