Buhtt sex?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
