No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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