I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
