I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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