Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
