Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
