Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
