i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
