He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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