Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
