Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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