Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
