I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
