Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need a burrito and a hug.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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