there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
