But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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