bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
