dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
