Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
