next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
