What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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