I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
