Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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