I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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