im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
