After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
