you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
