So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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