4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
