I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
