drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
