My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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