atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
