I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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